is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
