we made out on top of his cat.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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