Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
