She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
