He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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