dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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