She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
