hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Randomize
