Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
