the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
