I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you will always have a special place in my vag
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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