I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
