I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
