This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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