i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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