she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
