i barfeds in our rink
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
