So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
