i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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