I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
