I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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