I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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