What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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