i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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