Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
