oh god the rape fog is back!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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