My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
