Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
