im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
