She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
