Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
