don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
