Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
