The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
