Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Couch. On fire.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Panties = found
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