last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
