I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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