i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
