I think I am morally bankrupt
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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