I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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