My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
