Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
