yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
