I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
