i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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