girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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