On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
fuck your aforementioned shoe
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
