i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
