I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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