Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
