there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
